Coping With Loss & Grief, Tears don’t nullify your Sabr

We live in an age where alot of people are depressed. Depression manifests itself more commonly after the loss of a loved one, a child, a family member and people often fall into a cycle where they become consumed by their grief, and some people even get trapped in it.
We make dua that Allah SWT makes it easy for them.

Some individuals may go to grief counsellors or psychiatrists in order to try to attain some measure of peace, and more often than not the counsellor offers an outlet for your feelings.You speak and speak and speak and you sometimes feel better because you had someone listening to you. The counsellor may help you move from a place of broken-ness to whole-ness, but you may still not be able to overcome the grief. In these cases people need the encouragement of an islamic perspective to bind them back to the reality that is life. They need to be reminded of the one ness of allah. Often in times of great loss and grief, people become angry with Allah. They become upset with islam. They feel lost, turmoiled and some even turn their backs on islam as a result to their inability to cope with this tragedy that life is testing them with. Sometimes you just need a nudge or a reminder to turn to Allah.

Having recently discovered sister Yasmin Mogahed’s brilliant works all over the www, I am astounded, really.  Her videos, facebook updates, webinars, quotes, and blogposts never cease to amaze me at the depth and insight that is projected from her. The video feautured in this post is an excellent clip for all those who have experienced a loss on some level.  I urge you to watch it if you’re grieving, or if you haven’t yet made peace with your loss. Sister Yasmin presents ayah’s from the quraan and very easy to understand life scenarios to her audience to that they may have understanding in a ‘life’ context. These verses are Allah’s words, and what better reminder to turn to our faith. Alhumdulillah. Allah is indeed most merciful.

Maybe you feel that you have done everything to feel better and heal and move on, but you’re still stuck and nothing will change. You may have spent lots of money on trying to come to terms with your loss, or lots of time with counsellors and talking to friends and family.  If you are struggling with overcoming the emotional effects of a  loss,  I encourage you to watch this video and share it with any of your friends/family that may too be struggling. Maybe you have a friend that had a miscarriage, or her child passed away, or her spouse passed away, or a family member is now no more. This clip gives some introspection of loss from the islamic perspective, alhumudulillah.

Everything we have belongs to allah SWT, including our health and our beauty.
There are very strong messages in this video clip like :

“Crying does not necessarily negate sabr”.

Profound, in a right of it’s own. Subhanallah

I wish you peace, and that Allah swt easen your hurt and anguish. I hope this video helps you if you are in need.

Barakallahu Feek! May the blessings of Allah be upon you

Niqab for Beginners: Steps to wearing the Niqab

Guest post by Zaakirah Kadwa

See our first post:  The Decision to wear the niqab

It is preferable not to rush into wearing the niqab without  aknowledging the responsibility that wearing it entails. It is a means of placing a physical curtain  or screen between you and men, distancing yourself from unwanted attention as well as a manifestation of your spirituality. The benefits are numerous but most essentially you are adopting the niqab, to honour and uphold the islamic practise of segregation between the genders. By concealing your beauty you are protecting yourself from lustful gazes, molestation and being ‘hit on’, to name afew.

Step 1:

Before adopting the NIQAB , begin by embracing hijab in your life. Hijab is more than wearing a scarf, you should attempt to wear long length loose fitting tops which do not reveal your shape and covers your buttocks appropriately long pants accompanied with your beautiful scarf. This criterion should meet your dress style wherever you go be it the mall, library, school, campus. When you are comfortable with this step then move on to step two.

Step 2:

Adopt the HIJAAB completely and attempt to wear a cloak/abaya/other loose fit dress that does not reveal your shape. It is essential that you hair and arms be covered as a pre-requisite to wearing the niqab.

If you have decided to incorprate the abaya/kaftan/cloak into your dressing then Alhumdulillah, there are many beautiful, smart, elegent and stunning cloaks /abayas readily available. Purchase one or two and attempt to wear them whenever you leave the home or wear them for the duration that you are in  public places.  You will form the habit of wearing them and before you know
it this  act of donning the cloak will become a second skin to you. Sometimes it takes a year or more… if you’re lucky, less than a year, to develop a habit which, Insha-Allah, you will take forward with you into the future.

Implementation may differ from person to person, but once you are accustomed to it, it will be easy for you to cover your beauty for the pleasure of Allah SWT.  Remember, your cloaks need not to be drab, old fashioned or granny-like. Cloaks that are smart yet simple are easily available in South Africa. There are many variations that are wallet friendly if you are concerned with affordability. You can be trendy and smart while still in conforming to the laws of the shariah.

The purpose of hijaab should not be defeated. Your cloaks should not be tight enough so show off the contours of your body. Ensure that your hair does not peep through your scarf and no inch of your neck is visible.  Avoid transparent and net/lace scarves. Your arms should also be covered. When you are comfortable with this, you are now prepared for the final step – the NIQAAB!

NB: It is important that you are accustomed to the idea of “covering up” first before embracing the niqab permanently.

Stay tuned for our next post: Dealing with Niqab Prejudice

We’re Launching a Tech Muslimah Series

How do you as a muslimah interact with technology?  How should you choose a good avatar? What fanpages are great on facebook? Who to follow on twitter? What blogs are you reading? Where is your source of online inspiration to stir your soul?  To address these topics  we’re brainstorming a Tech Muslimah Series to ensure our readers are Muslimah’s 2.0.

We live in an era where digital communication rules a lot of our lives. Everything from social media to banking, computers, the internet and even mobile phones. It is imperative to keep up to date with the changes in technology in order to get ahead in the world. The last century has seen many advancements that have set off a ripple effect into media and innovation. Muslim world is not bereft of the  digital revolution.

Over the last few years there  there has been the emergence of more Islamic websites,  web and mobile applications,  digital quraans, online universities, even blogs as the mobile evolution transitioned into web 2.0.
There cannot be enough emphasis as to how important it is to be aware of these changes in the world, as well as know how to use it beneficially. The worrying as well as exciting thing about technology is the dynamic change and improvement as well as its impact on the world.

Our Tech Muslimah series is for all  our aspiring geeks, the tech moms & grannies, facebookers, BBM addicts, twitter community as well as the serial social media enthusiast – There was a need to have a series like this as the digital divide is large amongst the older generation and the younger generation needs a nudge in the positive guidance. Many people renounce the internet  and staple it as a means that leads to Haraam.  This site is being used as a mimbar, or platform, of sharing knowledge and expertise which allows the sisterhood to connect with and learn from each other.

We will  cover basic how to’s and how not to. All our posts are written in the favourable islamic perspective with regards to technology, some posts may offer hand-holding and step by step guides.

The main perspectives we are looking to instill are ‘Don’t criminalise technology’ and
‘How to represent yourself as a tech muslimah online’ – this will address the Muslimah identity on the various public media platforms that are available on the internet. We are essentially looking to pave the  way to connect with the positive islamic spaces available on the internet,  instructional focus how to use free online islamic universities and  pointers on how to attend digital courses on the internet from the comfort of your home. Alhumdulillah! So many awesome options available at your fingertips.

The twitter fad is climbing the ranks  therefore a step by step guide on how to use twitter and a collection of streams to follow will be available. The list of our prospective coverage is exstensive and we hope you will enjoy this series, as well as grow in terms of knowledge and awareness of your Islamic identity in relation to technology and the digital life it enables.

Should you wish to contribute to this series or have any pointers/suggestions please mail our admin on style[dot]muslimah[at]gmail[dot]com

Value of Parents in the age of Modernity

Ramadan is that time of year where we reflect alot on our lives, loved ones and other associations. It is that time of year that bonds us to our responsibilities and gives us new sight to elements of value in our lives. How do we give value to our parents in this age of modernity?

We’re taught to respect them. Treat them with honour and bestow kindness upon them. They gave birth to us, nurtured us, shaped and molded us into who we now are.

“And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’”  (Surah Al – Isra’, v.24)

We come to that point in our lives when we suddenly realize that our parents who were once so vibrant, energetic and young are getting on in years. They are  not as much fun anymore and much to your secret shame, you don’t want to hang out with them anymore – the third wheel; the daughter in-between. No wonder people think you are old. The cool individuals hang out with their friends in coffee shop sand at the movies.

You distance yourself from those two people who have only ever had your best interests at heart. Maybe deep down you acknowledge that if your parents are aging and you are too. You need to expend your youth to its limits before your time runs out and hanging out with your aging parents will only impede this.

Time goes by, and in your race to achieve all the pleasure that youth and the world has to offer, you find yourself once again alone in your pursuits. Your friends are married, now parents to their own children and responsibilities take presidence. This when you notice those loving, caring faces who through all your years of tantrums and tedium have never abandoned you for their own pursuits.  You return to them with much  realization and appreciation.

Reflecting on my own relationship with my parents, amids the quirks we exasperate and  bug each other. There are disagreements and challenges  but I love my parents deeply. The thought of losing them leaves me a loss for expression beyond resonating heartache.

We need to give value to our parents by appreciating them, regardless of disagreements. And if you are younger…. even in spite of the embarrassment you may perceive your time with your parents is limited on this earth, more glaring  because they’re aging

Almighty Allah SWT has instructed in Surah Al Isra’:

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”

Wherever we happen to be today as individuals in this time of modernity and whether we have the good fortune of having our parents with us or not, take the opportunity to make an extra special duaa for them. Make that phone call to tell them you love and appreciate them. Even though it may seem like a little, it will by no means make up for the great amount of effort they have invested in us and our lives. Dua is the best gift that we can give to them to show that we do care, follows by acts of  love, kindness, appreciation and patience.

May each of us take it upon ourselves to make the attempt to reach out to our parents, and may Allah SWT reward us abundantly for our efforts. Especially for those having severed ties with their parents, may this Ramadan seal your grievances with love and respect. May we be blessed with being able to exercise a beautiful patience on our parents and honour them with the dignity and respect that they are deserving of.

Niqab of the Day #12

The Search for Halaal

Originally posted on Ramadan.co.za

Diaries of a South African Muslimah in the USA

“O mankind! Eat of that which is lawful and wholesome in the earth, and follow not the footsteps of the devil. Lo! He is an open enemy for you”

Surah Al-Baqarah – Verse 168

Islamic Society of Boston Cultural Center

Alhamdulilah, my husband was fortunate to be granted admission to study at Harvard University in the United States of America. After much deliberation, we decided to embark on this journey of learning, mindful of the fact that with it would come many challenges.

In addition to the task of packing the material possessions of our relatively young married life together, a few thoughts lingered in our minds. The biggest concern centered on Ramadaan in the USA and finding halaal food – would it be easy or difficult?

Alhamdulilah, Ramadaan or the preparations for Ramadhaan, is simple when you’re in South Africa. We are quite fortunate to be able to walk down Fordsburg’s Mint Road after Taraweeh and grab a bite to eat from the many stores lining up the street, confident in the knowledge that what we are eating is halaal. We have halaal butchers in most cities and towns in South Africa, which is a great help when your preference is to cook rather than to eat out.

In addition to that, being of Indian descent, we have our mothers, in Typical Indian Mother Fashion; constantly trying to send us samoosa’s and pies to see us through the fasting month.

Even though Ramadaan is supposed to be more spiritually-focused, the initial period of this Ramadaan turned out to be food-focused simply because we were in a foreign land where we weren’t sure if what we were eating was correctly sourced in terms of Islamic law. We couldn’t take much food with us mainly because we were concerned that it would spoil during the 17 hour flight to the US and also because we weren’t as well versed as we should have been with what we could carry on airlines for trips across the Atlantic. Through the Grace of God and with the help of fellow expat South African’s and American Facebook users, we managed to find a nearby Mosque and the Halaal butcher relatively easily.

We are told that the wider Boston area has a large Muslim community. We are in Cambridge, which is a city across the Charles River from Boston. In getting acquainted with the area, we’ve discovered that some restaurants will readily tell you that their meat is halaal or zabihah, yet they serve alcohol on the premises as well. A conversation with the friendly Egyptian owner of the butchery revealed that most restaurants who claim to be halaal, whether the meat is indeed slaughtered according to Islamic rites or not, are pressured by non Muslims into serving alcohol on their premises fearful that their businesses will suffer financially if they don’t.

The alcohol issue has been brought up with the owners of these establishments, but unfortunately there is no regulatory body in the greater Boston area to ensure compliance. Alhamdullilah, there is good news: there are a few establishments who refuse to buckle to the pressures of society and maintain a strict No Alcohol/Pork policy on their premises and in the preparation of their food.

Back home, the concern over what to prepare during Ramadhaan was not a cause for concern in my home, mainly because the fact that we are often spoilt for choice with samoosa’s and pies and other delicious savouries often gifted by mothers and aunts.

Alhamdulilah, my husband always preferred that I spend my time reading Quraan and performing my Salaah instead of cooking. This trip to the USA has crystallized the thought that has always lingered in my mind, namely; that Ramadaan is not meant to be about filling ourselves up with deep-fried yummies or engagement in the constant battle of food preparation.

In South Africa we grow up with the notion that to “prepare food” for Ramadaan is a must and a lot of women go out of their way before Ramadaan to prepare special savouries for the month, when the time could be spent, as the Prophet (PBUH) did, invoking Allah for the blessings of Rajab and Shabaan. A lot of the “traditional” food we eat in Ramadaan is filled with fat and oil and even though they are quite delicious, we know that we can’t stop at “just one”. Sometimes we’ve eaten four or five samoosa’s, drunk copious amounts of sweetened milk and more often than not, this gluttonous behaviour leads to sloth, with the end result being that our Ibaadah suffers. We should strive to seek the healthier alternatives to be able to have the energy to read Quraan, perform our Salaah and engage in the remembrance of our Creator.

As a teenager, I was fortunate enough to be able to have a Ramadaan in Makkah and Madinah. I will always remember the ifthaar’s in the Holy Land with fondness. The simple meal at ifthaar in the Mosque of the Prophet (PBUH), consisting of dates, Arabic coffee, Zam Zam water, yoghurt and a bread roll was indeed my best ifthaar. I often wish to implement that in some way or try to use the same ideology to our daily ifthaar. Consequently, this year my husband and I have decided that we are going to attempt to stick to nutritional, healthy food which will benefit us during this Ramadaan. However, completely abstaining from something that you are quite used to can be difficult and admittedly, a few chilli bites now and then cannot harm your diet or more importantly your Ibadaah. After all, everything in moderation, right? ☺

Helping Hands – The young Muslim’s charity organisation

Helping Hands is a charitable organization founded by the youth, with aims of targeting the youth in order to get them proactive towards social development and upliftment.  Muslimah(Life)Style spoke to the young Muslim woman behind it all…

A young Muslimah was recently confronted by a world different to her own when she visited an orphanage in Lenasia, a suburb Gauteng, South Africa . Spurred on by the desperate conditions that broke her heart, she decided to get proactive and started using technology in order to help the orphanage.

Nineteen year old Lutfiya Shaik, a travel and tourism student in Johannesburg, visited her aunt in Lenasia during Ramadan.  Her aunt heard of an orphanage that was in a terrible condition and this inspired Lutfiya’s  curiosity and she decided to investigate for herself.

She was taken aback by their conditions and decided that she needed to do something about it, “After I saw the sad state of the orphanage, I was determined to make a difference.  So I sent out messages to my friends showing them pictures of the orphanage and they were just as affected as I was.  We then came up with the name “Helping Hands”, spreading the word over social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter.  As more and more people came to know of our intentions to help, the group grew larger and larger in a space of just three days!”

Lutfiya and her friends have been taking pictures of the orphanage periodically and uploading them to Facebook, Twitter and the Blackberry Messenger Group dedicated to this service.  By interacting this way, Helping Hands has attracted the attention of local newspapers such as the Rising Sun, and even the Sunday Times.

“There are 15 boys sleeping in one room” she says, “The facilities are in a bad state.  The roof was leaking and the bathroom’s were made out of zinc.  They have a lot of plumbing problems too.  The boys are in need of clothing, proper bathing facilities and other items.  However, the biggest need is for someone out there to share in the expense of electricity and various other expenses that the orphanage generates.  Moulana Aslam Mayet, who runs the orphanage, pointed out to me that many generous people donated heaters for winter, however, since there was no one to help in the running expenses of the orphanage, the heaters remain unused for the most of winter.”

Lutfiya realizes that many youth today don’t really pay a part in social upliftment, therefore, she wishes to target her peers in order to help society, “We pray that we rather use our time in helping those that are less fortunate than us.  Helping Hands consists of mainly teenagers and young adults.  We are always stereotyped as rebellious teenagers, and alhamdulilah, with the Almighty’s guidance; we can accomplish successes with our projects and create some social awareness by encouraging our friends and family to contribute and volunteer their time with us.  Hopefully, we can create an outlet where kids can spend their time doing good, solely for reward from Allah.  InshAllah, we hope to grow from strength to strength and continue throughout the year.”

Getting back to the orphanage, Lutfiya describes that the children are studying at the madrassah at Takolia’s Farm in Lenasia, “Most of the kids are trying to become Huffaaz, so we want to create an environment that will be conducive for study in order for them to benefit themselves and society, solely for Allah.”

Running Helping Hands can be challenging, Lutfiya says, “Sometimes we don’t always get the support we need, but, Alhamdulilah, we are managing.  Where one of us lacks in bringing things to the table, per se, another helps out, hence the name of Helping Hands.  We help each other out.  However, we still need the support and guidance of other organisation’s out there, help from the general public and motivation from those around us in order to grow and succeed.”

When speaking about future endeavours, Lutfiya mentions the boys orphanage is not their only project, “InshaAllah we would like to help Qari Aslam Mayet with the rest of the orphanages that are under his care, therefore, our next project is the girls madressa in Ext 11, Lenasia.  That will be a greater task as they are 50 girls there, but with will Allahs help and the amazing support our group has received so far, we will try to do the best we can in order to help them.  For the boy’s orphanage that we’re currently helping out, we hope to make them apart of the family and make a firm commitment to continue helping them, by assisting with food, and other maintenance tasks of the orphanages.  We hope to keep our friendship with them and not only let it be a once off thing but to continue to assist them!”

Lutfiya gets very excited when speaking about helping others, “As a Muslimah, I am determined to better myself each day.  In helping others I am also helping myself to become a better person and inshAllah, a better Muslim.  Helping Hands makes me appreciate all the blessings Allah has bestowed upon me.  This project makes me eternally grateful to my friends and family for supporting Helping Hands and proving to be reliable, generous, and caring, Muslims.  I am truly grateful for all their assistance, and their sincere commitment to making Helping Hands a success.  We make dua that Allah helps us at all times as we are only doing this for Him in order to attain sawaab (reward) and to help Mankind.”

Lutfiya has a few words on encouraging those who want to do social upliftment projects, “Do not do things to prove yourself to anyone if you wish to do good, follow your heart and those who believe in you and love you will encourage you and will stand beside you.  Do it for the pleasure of Allah and there shall always be barakaah and blessings in it.”

Speaking to Lutfiya, it’s hard not to be inspired by this young 19 year old woman.  With the help of the Almighty, she managed to get the youth in her community to help out an orphanage in just a few days.  May her efforts go rewarded, and may the orphans see an end to their plight soon.  InshAllah, Ameen.

If you wish to contribute to visit the Helping Hands Facebook page

Happy Womens Day

South Africa commemorates Woman’s Day today, 9 August 2011.
(For more info on the Historic facts of Women’s Day South Africa, check out BlogSA venues)

A struggle for place in a western world, commemorated year after year and it is still a day to reflect on the identity of woman. The following seemed very apt and worth the share.

If the west wants us to celebrate Womens Day…
Then let’s do it by makin this special duafor all the woman in the Ummah!
O Allah giv us woman the strength of Asiya(RA)
Give us the modesty of Faatimah(RA)
Give us the imaan of Kadija(RA)
Give us the knowledge of Aisha(RA) AMEEN

- Dua by Moulana Sulaiman Moolla -

Alhumdulillah, when we consider the beauty of Islam, we  must give thanks for having women so esteemed in character as Bibi Faatimah RA, and the mothers of the believers. Let us remember them in our duas. We should focus on and learn about the life of the Sahabiya (female sahaba) as well as the wives of the Prophet SAWS, and endeavor to emulate their good character in our own lives.

We are extremely fortunate that our Deen-ul-Islam is structured in a manner to protect and revere our women, not only as half of the Ummah but also as mothers of the future generations of the Ummah. Islam’s construct of preservation, respect, honour and caring for our women supersedes that of  all other religions. Alhumdulillah.

Be grateful today for the bounties that Allah SWT has granted you in this world, and for the rights you are given as a Muslim woman. Live up to your  identity as a muslimah and strive to uphold the banner of Islam under the duress of modernity. May Allah keep us steadfast and on the right path.

Alhumdulillah

Niqab Files: Niqab is Fashionable

‘I love the veil. I wish i was muslim, i would wear it. You’re so lucky’

Snippet of a conversation I recently had while shopping for a warm winter gown for Sehri. At this point my mum took the opportunity to ask ‘Can I invite you to be a Muslim?’ – I was abit concerned as to how this would be met. The person was very interested in islam.
Insha-Allah… lets hope this well take a positive direction.

I’ve had alot of time to reflect on the veil, or niqaab, and on many levels it has become a symbol that people attach to Islam. My heart aches when I think of the Muslimahs in France who have had to part with their niqaab, and the repurcussions of it has now filtered awareness into the world on so many avenues. Yes the veil is not a Fardh, but wearing it with the intention of observing the segregation between genders has many merits.

The veil has now become fashionable. It has stopped being the general black stereotype

And has become catchy on the catwalk

Followed by many modifications

It will be interesting to watch the modest hijab style fashion infiltrating the western world.