Niqab Files: My encounters with Niqab Prejudice

When I made the choice to wear the niqaab, it was something that just happened. There was no long drawn out thought process behind it, it just felt right for me. Even on days when it has been challenging, i haven’t been able to bring myself to part with it. My sister (student in Germany) would call, sharing her islamaphobic and anti-niqaab encounters in Germany. I couldn’t understand why it was affecting her, neither could I identify with the idea of being at the Butt-end of niqaab prejudice. Needless to say, my day (or days) arrived.

About a month ago I found myself covering an event at the local University, I was rather two minded as to whether or not to wear my niqaab. The thoughts were a mix of worry as to how foreigners would react to the niqaab, and of course i needed to express my own identity, that of Hasina Suliman, and not the collective identity of muslim women (as the niqaab portrays). I decided to go open faced because i was compromising to fit into the media scene. The scene that used to be my life, filled with events and photography, books, writers, and other elements of the like.

The first day i entered with my niqaab over my face. I encountered a very large swedish man, who was visibly terrified of me. I asked him if ticket sales were open.

As the week proceeded i encountered an acquaintance- A Girl who doesn’t fit the outlook of islamic dress or hijab or conservative dressing, asks about my niqaab. Diplomatically yet unsuccessfully, I try to brush aside the topic. Dang!!! Didn’t work. Person proceeds to tell me how she thinks it is stupid. I grin like an idiot to camouflage my hurt feelings, thinking ‘but you don’t even fit the fardh, and you’re picking on me’, my thought remains unverbalised, its not right to pick on people. Politely i say: Each to their own outlook and excuse myself. It felt like a slap in the face, as its difficult to digest that someone will be pleasant with you in a social setting, yet stab at your values the minute the opportunity arises.

I go home that evening rehearsing responses for the next person who picks on my veil. I thought i was well prepared. Unfortunately the week draws into an onslaught of prejudice encounters.

Needless to say, the next encounter followed close by with a burkah excerpt from Azad Essa’s book ‘Zuma’s Bastard’, initially making me feel like someone had slipped hot coals under my collar. I sit still, reminding myself that people have the right to their opinions, and yes even i would think twice about walking up to a niqaabi and striking up a conversation. My cheeks flush, i feel a little faint.  I question where walking out of the theatre, it would be a spectacle. I bite the insides of my cheeks, as the sentences roll off the page. The excerpt ends on an amicable note, but that’s not what sticks to the audiences mind. The islamic identity of being a niqaabi feels like a theatre joke. I felt embarassed for being identified as a muslim by my dressing.

The next day follows in suit, as if the winds of antagonism are on my back. I’m stopped by an acquaintance-friend-journalist who requests i lower my veil. I comply, not thinking that the encounter will escalate into a point of reference for my own religious belief. Up until that point there was no need to verbalize that i was covering the event as part of work and i needed to represent my own identity to the media. Anyway… i managed to slip away, locating the ladies restroom – i feel flushed, teary eyed and even with the veil i’ve never felt that bare.

I close myself off behind the wall of blank looks, counting down to calmness, and learning how to verbalise: ‘i DON’T want to discuss my religious values with you, thanks for understanding’ .

For weeks later, I watch people who don’t understand the niqaab and feel that their opinions are the only ones that matter. I’m learning indifference, but the reality is… i’m not really indifferent. Having someone pick on the veiled identity still feels like a slap in the face every time it occurs. Now we’re watching the news with updates on the Burkah and Veil ban in France, it makes the reality of niqab prejudices more intolerable.

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